Sir Blue Knight

October 11th

Inquisitor Zacharias Barnham was not a man who regularly took stock of things but, in this instance, he couldn't help it. There was something decidedly wrong with Sir Blue Knight and he was determined to ferret out the cause.

He looked... sad... and wan these days and even their courtroom battles lacked the flair they once did. He couldn't help but wonder why. He also noticed that there was a dull look in his eyes, the life and sparkle they had once had diminished and even his step, which had once been bright and sprightly, was now more like a shuffling plod.

He'd been out walking his dog, Constantine, one day when, by chance, he was on the other side of the street when Sir Blue Knight and his assistant happened to pass by on their way to Town Square. He stopped, tilting his head slightly to the right and watched them as they walked along. Maya, he noticed, was chattering away but Sir Blue Knight was quiet, a sad look on his face though he did try to put a cheerful countenance.

Barnham's slate-grey eyes narrowed as he watched Sir Blue Knight and his assistant walk down the street across from him. Well, it would be proper to say that she walked while he merely moped along behind her.

It was curious, he noted, that he seemed slumped somehow and he couldn't figure out for the life of him what was causing this. And he wasn't sure even why he cared so much to notice in the first place.

He watched them pass by until they were lost to sight, biting his lower lip between his teeth. He found that he couldn't take his eyes off of Sir Blue Knight and this, also, was causing no end of consternation.

What is causing this? he wondered as Constantine frisked about his feet, barking at the falling leaves. I've not felt this way before and I don't understand where it comes from. It doesn't make any sense.

He stood there for some time mulling over this puzzling question until he felt Constantine pull at his leash, signaling that he wanted to leave. In a mental fog, he started walking down the street, his mind elsewhere until his feet hit the porch of his home and as he prepared himself and Constantine some dinner.

It also remained on his mind during and afterward when he relaxed in front of the fireplace, a book turned upward on the small table next to the lamp. And, later on that evening, he was no closer to an answer then as he was at the beginning. And he wasn't sure why Sir Blue Knight was even in his thoughts...

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Three weeks later...
November 7th

The courtroom battle had been fierce but he gave as good as he got against Sir Blue Knight. It seemed that his opponent was in better form than he had been three weeks earlier and seemed to have lost that defeated look... as he was so adequately proving as he cut down his argument fact by fact.

It felt good to have the old Sir Blue Knight back and Barnham was relishing this particular battle, despite the fact that it seemed that he would come out on the losing end when all when was said and done. To his surprise, this really didn't bother him; as long as he had the old Sir Blue Knight back, not really much else mattered to him.

That thought stopped him short for a moment and, again, he couldn't help but wonder where it had come from. The more he thought about it, the more he wondered. These feelings had become pretty commonplace, and coming more frequently as of late and he still couldn't deduce the reason for them.

It was quite confusing, to say the least.

He didn't know exactly where these were coming from nor was could he ascertain as to why he was feeling them; all he knew was that they were not going away and only continued to get stronger as time passed.

He also noticed that Sir Blue Knight had reverted back into sadness once again in the past few weeks and, while he didn't know the reason for it, he yearned to try and comfort him, to take the sadness away that he could see so clearly in his cerulean blue eyes.

He'd tried, unsuccessfully as it turned out, to find out what was bothering him by asking his assistant if she knew what the matter was. She was just as confused as he was and had been trying to figure that out herself.

She admitted that it pained her to see him hurt like that and not being able to help only made her feel even more helpless than she already did; she loved him like a brother and wanted to soothe him but she couldn't as she didn't know what the problem was.

This is indeed curious, he thought as he thanked her, turning and walking slowly away. What could be wrong with Sir Blue Knight and why is he so unhappy? He chewed on his lower lip thoughtfully as he made his way down Town Square, oblivious to everything except the pondering of his own thoughts.

The cause of Sir Blue Knight's unhappiness stayed with him all that day, far into the evening and off and on for the next four months. Some days, admittedly, were better than others and Sir Blue Knight himself seemed to fluctuate as well but that thick veil of sadness hung over him like a shroud and Barnham was at a loss as to how to both explain it or what he could to comfort him.

Curiouser and curiouser...

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June 7th

The days turned into weeks, the weeks into months and still Sir Blue Knight looked morose and unhappy. Barnham couldn't figure out for the life of him what was wrong and his heart ached to see him like this. It was this particular thought that stopped him short, his brow furrowing as he took the time to think about the conflicting feelings coursing through him.

Things continued on in this vein for awhile until the night he had managed to corral Sir Blue Knight in the corridor of the Inquisitor's Hall. The trial had been a particularly grueling one and one in which Barnham had prevailed, much to Sir Blue Knight's dismay.

After it was over, he and Maya simply walked out although Maya stopped for a moment and looked back, an unreadable expression on her face before she turned and quickly followed him. He watched them until both were lost to sight and then let out the breath that he had been holding with a loud "whooshing" sound and rubbing his tired eyes.

He would be glad to see the end of this day and it was with this in mind that he walked out into the corridor and saw, much to his surprise, Sir Blue Knight coming in from the side door. He gasped softly, his heart beginning to pound in his chest and the noise was so loud in his ears that he was surprised that the other man didn't hear it.

What is he doing here? he wondered as he watched silently, pressing his back against the corridor wall and staying hidden in the shadows. I've never known him to come back into the building after a trial...

The oddness of the situation was not lost on him but he remained silent until he saw him walk back down the corridor; much to his astonishment, he found that his heart was aching and he longed with all the force of his being to go after him which, after a moment's hesitation, he did.

As he hurried after Sir Blue Knight, he didn't think that he would even wish to speak to him after the trial today; given how badly it had ended, he really couldn't blame him if he didn't. It was with equal portions of trepidation and hope that he finally managed to corral him near the side exit and he quickly reached out and grabbed his arm.

Surprised and taken thoroughly off-guard, Phoenix was about to make shrill protest when Barnham shook his head, putting his finger of his free hand to his lips, signaling for silence.

Phoenix snapped his mouth shut, shoving down the loud protest that he had been about to make. He really wasn't in the mood to see the Inquisitor at this point in time and wished he were anywhere but here at the moment. He couldn't think of any reason for the life of him why the Inquisitor wanted to speak to him in the first place.

His heart had been hurting for quite some time although he was mystified as to the reason why. That lovely face that had haunted his memories for so long had gone, leaving him both bereft and brokenhearted which only made things worse since he couldn't remember to whom that face used to belong to.

Phoenix bit down on a retort as Barnham tugged on his arm, indicating that he should follow him. He did, albeit unwillingly and stumbled along behind him as they quickly made their way down the corridor of the Inquisitor's Hall into a private room slightly to the right of the main hall. Barnham quickly unlocked the door and darted through the open door, dragging a very unhappy, and recalcitrant, Phoenix along behind him.

With one last quick look again outside in the corridor to make sure that they hadn't been followed, Barnham practically slammed the door shut, twisting the lock shut with a loud "click."

"What do you want, Inquisitor?" Phoenix asked brittlely as he tried to yank his arm out of Barnham's grasp but the man held him fast; it was clear that he had no plans to release him and he was damned if he was going to get into a wrestling match with him so he settled for a piercing glare. He was in a bad mood today and depressed to the point of tears for some reason that he couldn't even begin to fathom.

The beautiful male face that had haunted his dreams and waking hours had vanished two weeks earlier and his heart had broken; he still, as he fought to control his rising emotions, didn't understand why and the prick of tears at the corners of his eyes only made him feel worse than he already did.

"I..." Barnham began but swelling emotion made his words die in his throat as his heart ached to see him in so much pain and he longed to take him into his arms, to try and comfort him.

He couldn't make his mouth work and Barnham inwardly cursed himself at his silence. Sir Blue Knight was becoming more unhappy by the moment and angry, too, if the sullen expression on his face was any indication.

"What do you want?" he asked again, his voice testy and angry while Barnham continued to stand there in silence, unable to make a sound and trying to find his voice. "I don't have the time to stand here while you do... whatever! I've had a rotten day and I just want to go home and forget it even happened!"

Barnham's hand tightened on Phoenix's arm, his lips trembling. He continued to stand there mute until Phoenix tried to jerk his arm away, looking him straight in the eye. It was this that finally spurred him into action and, without another moment's hesitation, he yanked hard, pulling Phoenix hard against him, his other arm wrapping around his back.

"What are you doing?!" he cried, trying to free himself from Barnham's embrace, his eyes wide. "Let me go!"

Barnham looked at him only for a moment before he acted and surprising himself with the suddenness of it; it seemed like his body was moving on autopilot with no conscious thought at all. He leaned forward, his lips brushing softly against Phoenix's before returning to press harder, his arm tightening around his back and holding him close, his fingers tightening on his arm.

Phoenix's eyes widened even further in stunned surprise, his hand scrabbling weakly against the inside of his arm in a futile effort to push him away and free himself from the embrace but it was useless; Barnham held him fast and refused to let him go.

Phoenix's heart pounded in his chest as the kiss continued, drawing him, against his will, deeper into it. He could feel himself slowly giving way, pleasure flooding his body. He didn't know where all this was coming from but he didn't want to think about that just now; once the initial surprise of the Inquisitor's unexpected kiss had worn off, he found, much to his surprise, that he was enjoying it.

Why am I feeling this way? he thought to himself, leaning in closer and snuggling closer to Barnham's broad chest, feeling the other man reacting with slight surprise at first before relaxing and pulling him even closer to him. What is it about him that makes my heart pound like this? Why...?

When they parted some time later, both men were panting hard, staring at each other in surprise at what they had just done. Phoenix couldn't deny that he had enjoyed Barnham's kiss, and it began to banish the darkness and sadness he had been feeling for so long over a faded memory of someone he might have once loved.

He mourned it, yet he didn't know why. What was this other person like, in his previous life? He must have loved him dearly once, given the pain in his heart both when he couldn't remember who he was and then when the memory vanished.

"Sir...Blue Knight..." Barnham began breathlessly, his accented voice soft and tender as he released his arm at last, his fingertips touching his face with soft, gentle strokes. "I...please... forgive me. I'm...usually not this...forward." He shook his head a bit dazedly. "I...I don't really know exactly what it was that possessed me to do...that... but I...I couldn't bear to see you in pain any longer." He blushed, turning his head to look away. "I...I can only say that I'm...I'm sorry and I hope that you can forgive me."

There was a long moment of silence. Phoenix's eyes were soft when they at last looked at him, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. His free hand slowly raised, his fingers resting on his cheek and gently turning his face to look at him.

"There is nothing to forgive, Inquisitor," he replied softly. "I...can't deny that I found the kiss to be..." He stopped, embarrassment evident in his tone and he hesitated a moment before he continued speaking, taking a deep breath. "...Pleasurable." It all came out of him in a rush and he couldn't help the heat he could feel rising in his cheeks. "I..."

Barnham stopped him with a soft kiss, lingering there for many wonderful moments before pulling away again. Phoenix moaned softly in protest as he did so, his eyes half-open.

"Will you tell me what is troubling you so, Sir Blue Knight?" he whispered softly, his voice uncommonly tender, their lips mere inches apart. "I want to help you... if I can."

And help me to figure out what it is that I'm feeling...

"Inquisitor..."

"Zacharias." He said it firmly. "Please... call me Zacharias."

Phoenix gulped. "All right... Zacharias. I-I don't rightly know what, exactly..." His voice petered out, looking helplessly at him.

Barnham looked puzzled, his slate-grey eyes narrowing.

"What do you mean?"

Phoenix bit his lower lip, his eyes scrunched shut in concentration before opening them into hooded slits.

"I...I'm... not sure. I..I kept seeing a face in my memories... a very handsome, beautiful male face with dark grey hair and piercing grey eyes." His eyes closed, his lips parting in pleasure. "I yearned after him with all the force of my being but I...couldn't... remember... who he was." He stopped again, his cheeks flaming., licking suddenly too dry lips.

Barnham nodded, feeling jealousy prick at him momentarily but he shrugged it aside. This was no time for him to allow his personal feelings to get in the way, not when Sir Blue Knight was opening up his heart to him. He would deal with that later; right now, he needed him.

"Please, continue." He didn't relinquish his hold on him, his arms instinctively tightening around him protectively.

"I... a couple of weeks ago, the memory suddenly vanished and I... felt my heart break inside me." Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, his pain all too obvious to see. "I..I didn't remember him but my heart broke once he was gone, just the same."

Barnham was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. "Did it happen all at once?"

Phoenix shook his head. "No, it didn't." He sniffled. "It... happened gradually. It kept getting fainter and fainter as time went on until, one day, it was... gone. Completely." He stopped, the lump in his throat so large that it threatened to choke him. "And I...and..I..." He looked helplessly at him, his lips trembling, tears running down his face. "I...I..." He stopped again, a thin moan of pain escaping from his tightly pursed lips.

"Sir Blue Knight." Barnham's voice was soft, gentle. "Please... Let me help you..."

Phoenix shook his head violently, trying to hide the tears that were steadily coursing down his face but didn't resist when Barnham pulled him closer, holding him tightly. With a final moan, Sir Blue Knight gave in, crying bitterly, his arms winding around him and clutching him tightly.

Barnham dug his fingers into his spiky black hair, resting his cheek on the top of his head, whispering soft words and hoping that he would be able to comfort him. He wasn't very good at this sort of thing, had never been, really. He'd lived a life of solitude with only Constantine, his dog, for company and he thought he'd been satisfied with that until Sir Blue Knight and his assistant had barreled into his life, turning it upside down and inside out.

It had all begun with Espella Cantabella's trial for witchcraft and had continued on from there. At first, he had to admit that it had nettled him for it had upset his ordered life, bringing new feelings and experiences; for the first time in his life, he was uncertain and he didn't like that feeling of vulnerability.

As time went on, however, and he spent more time in Sir Blue Knight's company, he found his initial reluctance slowly melting away until he realized just how much he meant to him and how much a fixture of his life Sir Blue Knight had become. He couldn't help but wonder if this newly found feeling was simply making a friend or something else, entirely. Something stronger; something deeper. Like...

Love?

Barnham closed his eyes as Sir Blue Knight wept, holding him tightly against him, pressing soft kisses against his head and murmuring soft words of comfort.

Is it love or is it...something else..?

He stood for some time in silence while Sir Blue Knight wept bitterly, thinking about how he felt, going over it in his mind before he reached his conclusion: there was definitely something there. There was no denying it as they stood there, with Barnham holding him so tenderly in his arms; he definitely felt strongly about him with a more, and much deeper, feeling than one would have for just a respected rival.

He wasn't quite sure if it was love, exactly, but it was a deep attraction and, as he held the weeping man in his arms, there was now no longer any question of that, given how he felt, how often that he was in his thoughts, how he longed for his presence and how long he'd been feeling it.

And he didn't have a clue how to tell him.

How am I going to do this? he wondered. He's in so much pain presently and I certainly have no wish to prolong it or add to it. Could he even...is there even a chance that he could possibly...? He sighed. No, I am a fool for thinking that there could ever be any feeling at all for me.

Barnham's heart gave a lurch as Sir Blue Knight wept harder, clutching on to him like a drowning man on a life preserver. This other...man... was a part of his life long before I ever came into it and there's no chance at all now that he could feel anything for me except, perhaps, as a close friend and respected rival. How I wish it could be more... that he feels the way I do...

He whispered softly, stroking his hair tenderly, his loud sobs slowly dying away into sniffling hiccups. But, still...maybe...there could be a chance..? Barnham sighed. I have to tell him and then let things fall as they may. The least I can do is be honest. But first... His eyes flickered down to the exhausted man that he held in his arms, slumped against him, the sniffles gradually fading into silence.

After some time had passed, Phoenix lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy from all the tears he had shed. On one hand, he felt better for having gotten his sorrow out of his system but, on the other, he felt embarrassed that he had broken down like that in front of the Inquisitor.

Pheonix hadn't meant to; he just couldn't keep it bottled up anymore. He noted, with relief, that at least the other man didn't seem to hold it against him; in truth, he seemed to be...happy... for some reason which was something else that he found surprising.

He also found himself relaxing in the Inquisitor's arms, the third surprise he'd had today.

What is happening? Astonishment and desire were warring with each other equally as he looked into his face and seeing the tender expression, and the soft smile that tugged at the Inquisitor's lips, made him simply want to melt. He also found that his heart had started to beat faster and he couldn't help staring at him, his mouth dry. What is this...what is this... feeling?

"Inquisitor..." he whispered softly, forgetting himself momentarily, his eyes half closed, his lips slightly parted. He was so lost in sensation that if he had said something in reply, he wasn't aware of it. All he could see were those lovely slate-grey eyes and they seemed to encompass the entire world.

Phoenix could feel his hand slowly slide up his chest to cup the left hand side of his face, his thumb softly caressing his cheek, faint puffs of his breath tickling his skin. He hadn't realized that the Inquisitor was so close to him until now.

He swallowed hard and, before he could say a word, Zacharias' mouth had gently captured his, moving sweetly against his. Phoenix moaned softly under the Inquisitor's mouth and surprised himself by deepening the kiss with eager abandon, his arms slowly lifting to wrap around his back, holding him close. He could feel Zacharias start in surprise briefly before he relaxed, his own grip tightening around him.

Emboldened, Phoenix took them even deeper into the kiss, his tongue gently prodding at the Inquisitor's lips which opened at once to let him in, tangling merrily together. Muffled moans came from both men as they embraced, fingers tightening on clothing and Phoenix was shocked to discover that the pain he had been feeling for so deeply and for so long, vanished.

Zacharias broke the kiss first, stepping back and taking a deep breath, his cheeks pink, his eyes half closed, his breath coming in quick pants.

"Sir Blue Knight..."

"Phoenix." He quickly corrected him, his hand coming up to caress Zacharias' cheek. "Please...call me Phoenix." He smiled crookedly.

Zacharias nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Very well... Phoenix." He chuckled softly, his fingertips softly tracing patterns on Phoenix's skin as he stared into those mesmerizing cerulean blue eyes. "Surely, you must know how I feel about you... and... I would be pleased if you...would consider...could you...?" He stopped again, trying to get his whirling thoughts into some kind of coherent order. "I-"

"Yes." Phoenix said it quickly and without another moment's hesitation, pressed his mouth hard against the inquisitor's. He could feel Zacharias' mouth curve into a smile under his own and it was with happy thoughts for the future that they continued the embrace.

Neither man knew exactly where this relationship might ultimately lead but both were willing, and eager, to find out. Best of all, neither of them would be alone.

.:FIN:.